why is it you focus on my happiness
and seek to set me free
for you always seem to be in love
with another
before another season
has even changed its
mind

i’ve written about you before
but you’ll never know
which coded verse
was intended for you
it’s unlikely we’ll ever be intimate
enough
in that way

you take the time
to push your hopes
for me
onto me
and share a privacy
i wonder others know
and
that makes me smile

i love you
but in a distant way
admiration from afar
years dotted with the
splurging of moments
side cast glances
revealing feeling only in
heartiness of laughter

one day we’ll take that ride
noticing a moment
meant only for our I
and together
our spirits
will be free

the dogwood will bloom
then shed her loving promises
one flushed dusting at a time
lacing her falling frock
upon heartwood’s bridge

today I circle round your visage
twisting in tight
trading frosty February shivers
for this March’s lucidly warmer light

dappled daylight stars that shift time and reason
casting refractory diamonds
like a glowing disco prism
with but a moment’s sigh
leaving only you and I
with pixilating love
season upon season

blossoms fell like snake-skinned chinks in armor
each petal representing new fears
upon the still dewy strewn lawn
in the people’s square
carving
into every inch of my

leave the light on
let me park on the fucking wood
where is your humanity
exactly
i never said you could

so aggressive they say
intense
expectant
stop wanting
us to be what you want us to be
or we’ll give you nothing
see
that’s just how it’s going to be

no one is willing to give you what you want
what you need
asking, always
way too much

you are flawed
damaged
no man can want you
not with that
P E R S O N A L I T Y

dishin’ it out
never can take it

eggshells
eggshells
why can’t you let me react the way i need too
worse has happened

can’t keep it straight
taking care of everyones problems

pull them up high
never let them see you cry
share nada
and
ask for nothing
for if you do
maybe
just maybe
I’ll let you still hang with me

i’ve been taken advantage of. cheated on. abused. discarded and tossed aside. ignored. teased and taunted. my life nearly taken.

and also loved. cared for. thought of. remembered. adored……just not nearly as often.

i am not a victim – though i sometimes feel like a target. my story is not unique.

i am not good at protecting myself – though i try. now i am. infected. marred. for life. all because i tried to find love. all because i was open to connecting. naive. shameless.

you and i do have a connection. we have a past. a history. a story. a friendship that was strong enough for me to supersede a survival instinct to run from that which has hurt me. i’ve healed from the past. but i am altered. altered enough to give birth to a new age and new alias.

i am not ophelia drowning anymore. no longer drowning. no longer willing to throw it all away for love. for a promise. for what appears to be the answer to my hearts question.

i am Asterisk. i am ready to steal myself against any force not willing to dig deeply to find the footnotes that read me.

a subtext subtle, yet right there. on the bottom of the page.